I had an idea conceived in my heart but did not put fingers to keyboard until I was sure I had a topic. This is an unusual topic, yes I know,I was listening to a song by Newsboys before putting up this post. The message in that song is so powerful. I’m not trying to preach at anybody, but since this blog is mine, I have the sole responsibility of expressing myself.

The pain of rejection is felt physically. No matter what form the rejection takes, it is painful. We hurt. We grieve. We cry. Some of us (blogger inclusive) are yet to master the “Art of Crying”, while others have so pitifully learnt to do so. I cry easily and freely without shame, it’s one of the many ways I express myself. I’m not here to discuss the Psychology of Crying if there is anything like that; I am here to bare my heart on being Rejected.

It may be by our Spouse, Children, Employer, Proposed Employer (yours truly has experience in this field), Government, name it; we all have some similarities.

First, is that Someone rejected us.

Second, is that we were rejected for Someone/Something else

Thirdly, is that we are the Rejected.

This is not funny, at all.

Starting with the first similarity, we may feel some strong and very strong emotions towards the one who rejected us. This maybe in form of Anger, fear, and sometimes despair (you may be wondering what your next step would be without that person in the picture). The truth is that this is the second hardest stage. I’m no Psychologist (I hope one would read this so that that one may offer professional help). From my little knowledge I strongly recommend not dwelling on this emotions (the negative) towards this Someone, instead remember the good times you had or hoped to have and say to yourself “this person once made me laugh, I can get over this period”. Let me share a personal story about how I dealt with this phase at one point in my life.

At a time not too long ago when men wore trousers and ladies wore female –  trousers, I up and went to this very nice hospital to drop my resume. You see, I had just updated my resume with my latest achievements and feeling very confident with myself, I set out. I met this pretty female receptionist who took my resume and said they would start calling candidates for interviews in 2weeks. Those were the longest 2weeks of my life. Eventually it came and went, still no call. I up and about again after so much persuasion from my boyfriend to go and find out what happened (I wasn’t the only one who believed in me!). I got there, lo and behold the hospital had been relocated (slap 1). Luckily I asked some random guy at the gate if he knew the new location which he gladly gave to me. (slap 2) was trying to get to this new address as no commercial motorcyclist could recognize the address. Finally, I got one who gladly took me there for a fee (of course!!). This new location and edifice is breathtaking so imagine the palpitations of my heart as I walked in. I met another pretty lady who told me in no pleasant tone that “we have conducted interviews for our selected candidates” (slap 3). My heart literally smashed into a thousand pieces. You see, I had been rejected. I just began to walk. I walked and walked until I heard the blast of a horn before I realized I was in the middle of the street (slap 4{a babe like me}). I stood my ground not knowing what to do and expecting the insults from the driver of the car, but alas! I was disappointed. Instead she smiled the best smile ever at me, and instantly I knew that I would never let any rejection bring me down. After all, they rejected me so that the best place could have me. I still don’t have a job but I don’t feel that bad about it anymore. That’s the attitude I want us to develop. And also, let’s smile at people we never know who it may help. It helped me.

Secondly is the Someone or Something we were rejected for. What this simply means is that; that other One or Thing was preferred to us. You may wonder why  I said Thing? Some people were left for items. Let’s not go into that. Another sets of emotions are spent on this second phase. This phase I think is the hardest, because we feel some really strong emotions like inferiority complex, jealousy, anger and some go as far as hatred. I really identify with the inferiority complex. It has to deal with our self-esteem, our worth!!!!!. It’s like we are at zero level then someone tramples on us. A lot of revenge(s) is planned in this phase, and if not careful could lead to danger. Then, the hunter becomes the hunted especially by the Law.

The third phase is us the rejected. Phew! So many things to write. God help me! *drinks more water, thinks she’s dehydrated*. How do I handle rejection? This is where the bulk of the work lies. The person and his/her personality. All the aforementioned emotions are climaxed here. Some even doubt themselves for future occurrences. Some loose trust, others find more understanding. But whatever the case may be, the end doesn’t justify the means. No, it doesn’t. Thumbs up  to those who come out tops. How can one also come out of a *rejection* nice and better for it? Well, the song by Newsboys tells us how to.

Depression is a very strong force to reckon with, with those who are rejected. This is not the time to start shutting *well meaning* folks out. Albeit one has to be able to differentiate between the scorners and the *well meaners*.

The physical pain of rejection can be explained in this analogy. Let’s say a wife/husband just found out that the spouse is unfaithful. He/she confronts the spouse and there’s no denying the truth; It Is Over. The pain is felt in this way: imagine the partner with a big smile/a frown sticks pins into the wife/husband and says I love you and I’m leaving you.

There’s no denying that we all want to be loved. We want to love and be loved in return. We want an endless relationship. We want to belong, to connect, and when the connection is severed, there remains scars. The message is that there is a higher Power that can help if only we are willing to be helped. It’s no abstract that this Power has been tested for over 2,000 years and found to be True year in year out. The Way is close and not difficult to find if we are willing to walk it.  This is an Un-ending relationship. And did I mention that the good of this relationship far outweighs the option of not getting-in in the first place? Well, it does.

I do hope that those who are going through rejection find healing for their hurting hearts and that they come out better for it.

N.B. writer is was battling Malaria as at the time the blog was pressed. Some good does come from been ill.